I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
