at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
