if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
