I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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