is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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