I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
