I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
