u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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