I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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