I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
