tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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