i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
last night I used snow as a chaser
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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