That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I CAN MOONWALK!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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