i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
