I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
