She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
