I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The ass gains better be worth it
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