im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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