i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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