R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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