Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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