Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
