I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
