The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
