He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
