That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
