I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
