when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
