my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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