i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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