i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
