you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
