whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
