Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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