he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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