Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
