shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
