He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
