Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
