I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
