i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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