Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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