Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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