Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
