Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
