I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
