ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
