just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
