Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Welp...herpes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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