you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
