ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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