omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
