In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
