Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
