How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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