I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
