Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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