I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
