eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
