trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
