At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want nice things and good sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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