smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
