Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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