I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
