so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
