i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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