So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
