I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
